William Sterling

Sometimes I scribble down little poems/thoughts and forget I've written them, then rediscover them and think they're quaint. Here's a few.


I looked into the face of evil
And evil looked away.


There are times you forget that you're an adult.
Those are the best of the times.


Ignorance is not bliss.
To be a child, that is bliss.


To bear your burdens
Is too much to do.
To find reason to complain
Is breathing.


'Tis much too early
To beg for pity
In the public sphere.
We live in a time
Of hands out
For hand outs,
Of eyes shut,
Ears closed,
Mouth open.
Confidence comes
To those who work.
Conscious comes
To those in the now.
Conscience comes
To those with heart.
Success is determined
By you.

 - Puppy
I am the puppy.
Koo koo ka choo.
What's that?
Oh hi!
Hey!
Wait . . .
Bug!
I peed . . .
Don't!
Touch me!
Don't touch me . . .
Touch me!
Love, love, love!
It smells like YAY!
Stop!
Ssssshhhhh, I hear - -
TOUCH ME!
Be touched.


Imagine if you will, perfect love.
Now, quiet!
Perfect love is not words,
Hush.
Go. Do.
Perfect love is actions.


One, two, buckle my shoe.
Because you owe me.


I miss the days
When you and I
Were unacquainted.
Now I have to listen
To your droning.


Every living thing,
Everything living,
Give me your heart.
There is room in the river
To drown with the rest.
Why cross
When pain exists
On the other side?
Sink.
Grace is an ocean.
You breath at the bottom
Not at the top.
Only when you drown
Can you float to the surface.

Words cannot describe our reactions to the tragedy that occurred in Newtown, Connecticut Friday. And no words will ever be enough to comfort those who have lost loved ones. At this moment, and for the many to follow, the best we can do for those in need is be there for them. After a tragedy strikes our initial reaction is a desire to have the right words to make it all okay again. Sometimes we appreciate the sentiment, sometimes it offends us, and sometimes we'd rather just have silence and a hug. Everyone deals with these things differently. It's impossible to predict anything here, where comfort ends and heartbreak begins, but it is always vividly clear to me that no matter the instance there is always one thing we can do to let the suffering know that they are not alone in their darkest hour.

Now can we talk about love?

On all social media platforms there was an immediate and resounding demand to discuss gun control. I can't count the amount of posts I saw within minutes of learning of the news that said, "Now can we talk about gun control?"

No. We can't. Not, at least, just seconds after the lives of twenty children and six adults have been lost. To be honest, for a little while, I don't want to hear to word "gun". I don't want to hear or talk about politics, policies, or Religion. I just want to keep quiet for a moment and show those around me how much I love them. After something as terrifying as this, I don't want to talk about anything.

Yet in the days that follow, the conversation is inevitable. Now, the Monday after, can we talk about gun control? Sure. It's not like we can stop you. And it may be an important issue. But why, in the initial moments of what seems like the end of the world, is our first thought to discuss weapons? I saw a lot of people beautiful things, say a prayer or a good word, trying to help those of us who didn't know how to deal. I saw a lot of arguments about whether or not God existed, how he could allow a tragedy such a this, how if he weren't taken out of school maybe this wouldn't have happened, the copious posts about gun control, and then Sunday night, when the President's remarks interrupted a football game, I saw an astounding number of racial slurs, swear words, and bigotry demanding that the President stop interrupting their game because, God damn it, they wanted to watch some football.

Well, football can wait. Talk of gun control can wait. Arguments about the existence of God can wait. But we cannot, then, now, nor ever wait to love. Love mustn't wait. But it is clear to me that it often does. People are more inclined to erupt into an argument about trivialities than they are to say nothing for a moment and simply show someone that they are loved.

The time to discuss gun control, science, and God will arrive. Give it time. It is inevitable. But is that time mere moments after such a substantial loss of life? I saw a lot of love that day. This isn't an accusation on my part to the rest of the world for being callous. It's a statement to suggest that maybe we're in need of some conditioning. Imagine a world where love reigns supreme? True unconditional love that erupts when the world is in need. That instead of hoping to talk about guns, God, and football, we say nothing at all and let our actions speak for themselves. Is that such an outrageous idea? How selfish are we that the first thing coming to mind is beginning a dialogue or diatribe about the issues we think should be discussed. Maybe you don't have all the answers. Maybe it isn't time to talk about gun control. Maybe it isn't time to talk about what you think we should talk about. Maybe, for once, this isn't about you.

In moments such as these, the only thing we can do to effectively help the suffering is to completely let go of ourselves. Everyone deals with tragedy in their own way and that's okay. It's okay to try to have the magic words because our heart breaks for the brokenhearted, but the most important thing is, no matter what you do or say, if it comes from a place of love it will never lead you astray. Let love speak for itself and speak for you. We like to point to anything and everything as being the cause of our problems, but most often it is a severe lack of love. All things can be traced back to love, either an abundance or an absence of it. Imagine if we put as much hard work into teaching one another how to love as we do trying to teach people to believe in their right to own or not own a gun. If we worked as hard to encourage people to love unconditionally as some people do to prove how God apparently loves conditionally. Dream of living in a time where instead of arguing about politics we encouraged our ability to see eye to eye. Think of the possibilities if we were as dedicated to one another as we are to our favorite sports teams, if just as much were at stake when we lost one of our brothers or sisters as it is when our team suffers a loss.

Without love, all things are irrelevant. And with love all things are possible. But we've got to start working love into our national discourse. We're already talking about everything else. People like to think it's cute, as if love were a fairy tale, that when people preach about it, it's uninformed, juvenile, and unaware of how the world really works. People in places of power like to condescend to pacifists as if all of them were children. But some of us are aware of how the world works, and contrary to popular belief what makes it go round isn't gravity, but love. It's time to come back to what really matters. We've talked about guns. We've talked about God. We've talked about politics, science, and football.

Now can we talk about love?

A very good friend to many passed away recently. In the brief time I knew him I watched myself change as both an actor and a human being because of him, his words, his spirit, and his belief in me and my potential. These sentiments are dedicated to him. You never know how much someone can affect you in such a brief period of time until you reflect on how they've helped you. Sometimes you wonder if it's possible to fall in love with someone at first meeting. He was the kind of guy to remind you just how possible, and often simple, that is.


Do you know what it's like to believe in something? Given the Holiday season, Santa Claus and Jesus are usually the two names that first come to mind when we think of "believing". Mostly because they're written in lights, decorating lawns, church parking lots, and rooftops. Nativity scenes and depictions of the North Pole have come to define what it means to "believe" at Christmas time. Somewhere in time the meaning of the word shifted and it became something almost mystical. When people ask you, "Do you believe?" there's a great weight attached. It has become synonymous, for many folks, with things that may be working beyond our understanding. And though this element to belief is incredibly vital, there is a large portion of what it means to believe that is neglected this time of year. And that is believing in your fellow man.

We've spent a lot of time believing in people who are not physically present because we've been told that we should. As if Saint Nicholas began his gift giving work because he wanted people to believe in him. But that couldn't be further from the truth. The man set out to give gifts to those in need, to spread the word about peace on earth and good will toward men not because he wanted people to believe in him, but because he believed in them. It's only because people, in our greatest times of need, choose to believe in someone who seems much grander than us that he transforms into a legend. Because we needed him to be a saint, because we needed something to believe in, he became as such. But the mission was never to establish worship, rather it was to give hope. Saint Nicholas, or Santa, set out on a mission to bring people joy, cheer, and hope. Hope for a better tomorrow, hope for food on your table, a roof over your head, and clothes on your back. Hope that, if nothing else, we could be happy.

Considering the amount of time we focus on believing in the seemingly unbelievable, a more important question looms: do you know what it's like to feel believed in? I mean with complete and utter unequivocation, have you truly felt from another human being that they believed in you? In all that you were and all that you could be, beyond all other things they believed that who you were to become was going to be something great. They had great hope for you, great love for you. And for many of us, it's important to believe in the things we cannot see; in things of the spirit and of the heart because it makes us faithful and gives us hope that, despite terrible odds, despite some days being dark and cold, a sun rise awaits; that there are silver linings to those clouds. Over time we learn that seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing. But belief cannot and does not stop here.

Even if you feel you believe in something or someone, how many of us can honestly say that we believe in ourselves? If you don't believe in who you are, you aren't much at all. That's not to say you won't become something but it means that at that moment in time, when you're not believing in yourself, you may feel alone. And it takes someone from the outside to believe in you, to have faith in you, to remind you what you're capable of. It's become incredibly clear that believing in someone you barely even know can make all the difference in the world. But it's difficult to find the confidence to stand and say you truly believe in you. It doesn't come easily and it doesn't come on your own. It works much like love, because it takes love to truly believe in others.

Before you can believe in others you must first believe in yourself. But before you can believe in yourself someone must have believed in you. And love is much the same. Before you can truly love others you must know how to love yourself, but the only way to love yourself is to know what it means to be loved. When someone else believes in you that gives you the confidence to leap over the hurdles life throws at you. Our confidence must come from somewhere, our desire to succeed has to start somewhere. Those who put their faith in you and believed that you are so much more than you give yourself credit for are the ones who help drive you to success. If there is a goal to be reached or an obstacle to overcome, do you truly feel you can do it on your own? Without the help or consolation of others? Even if you view yourself as a soloist, as one who accomplishes all things by your own volition, you're giving yourself too much credit. You have been built up as a confident someone because others, throughout your life, have inspired you, influenced your belief system and helped mold the person you are today. You just haven't considered all the people in your life who have done so. But they're there, I promise.

So perhaps this Holiday season we should strive to put a balance not so much on how we believe, but who and what we believe in. Just as much as it is important for us to believe in the spirit of the season, in the miracles that help us see the light in the darkness, we should also look to our neighbors and, with all of our hearts, believe in them. You never know when that person you meet may be struggling just to tread water and your faith in them, your love for that person, could be what changes their life. Believing in someone else means you're helping them learn to believe in themselves, and when they do the cycle continues. Greater than any gift under the tree or in the stocking is the gift of belief. To believe is truly a blessing. It takes great faith and at times risk. You must risk yourself and give yourself completely to another in order to help them to their feet. Not all of us are ready to stand, but all of us can. And you'll never know just how tall you can stand until you know what it feels like to believe in yourself and your ability to pick yourself up by the helping hand of another.

I am lucky enough to have lived a life filled with folks who have believed in me. People are always asking one another, "Do you believe in God?" as if to find out how to classify them according to their belief system. But why aren't we simply stating, "God believes in you." Whatever that "God" is that you believe in, it is clear that there is an energy of love that courses through our veins and it comes from something that believes in each and every one of us. We all share that very same love. It binds us to each other if we're willing to let it. And if you're willing to acknowledge it, it will help show you that more than it means to believe in something at Christmas is what it means to believe in your fellow man all year through. When you do, you're helping that person become aware not just of who they are, but who they can be, of their infinite potential for goodness and love.

We're all capable of wonderful things, of changing the world and making a stand. But before we can do any of those things we have to do something quite simple. Believe.

This only applies to politics insomuch as a lot of what I've seen in the aftermath of this last election. By no means is it a reason for anyone to gloat. Both sides have lost ample elections and felt distraught and dismayed as much as the other. What this post is about is the losing attitude I've seen post election day, one that applies to so much more than just politics. It's really been a magnifying glass for me, to all the things I see this attitude reflected in, from the biggest things to the smallest things. It becomes clear that these aren't just losers, these are quitters. Quitting is a very specific type of losing. There is a time to grieve and to lick your wounds, but that time can be brief. Sometimes you haven't even a moment to waste on grief. Sometimes you have to understand that how you look to the rest of the world, how you bounce back from a trying situation, is what either makes or breaks your point of view. What you stand for depends on how you deal with failure.

This is addressed to the quitters who, if their head was on their shoulders well enough, would understand that losing is your past and victory is always your potential. Your loss was yesterday, but this is today, this is now. Who you are now is not who you were yesterday.  You've got to let people know that. A loser understands the battle may be lost but the war is far from over, a quitter sees the war having been lost before it's even begun.

Sometimes you just need to suck it up, grow a pair, and soldier on. I'm sick and tired of this whiny, sissy, "I'm going to move to Canada", whoah is me, this is the end of the world as we know it garbage. Be an adult. You've got a responsibility and a duty, not just to yourself, but to your cause and to those around you to represent strength and civility. When I see entire groups of people give up because they lost, it makes me sick. If that's the case, then get out. We don't need you here. This league doesn't need your team. Quitters bring those around them down to their level. They radiate a darkness that's surprisingly powerful, that draws you in and forces sympathy from you. You know a lot of people don't want to hear this but it's not always appropriate to coddle a quitter. When someone says, "I quit!" our first instinct is to smother them and say, "No don't do it! We all love you! You can do it, don't give up!"

I am all for moral support, believe me. I know that not every losing situation calls for tough love, but I'll be damned if every one of those situations calls for cooing and lollipops. Sometimes a losing situation asks you to get it together. Sometimes, when someone says "I quit", the only way to bring them back from the brink is to say, "Good. Do it. I want you to quit, because I'd rather have a team full of fighters, full of warriors, of strength, honor, and confidence, than a group of people who are looking for the next opportunity to throw in the towel. So please, by all means, quit."

If you're aware of when to call a spade a spade, then do it. Because much of the time, when a quitter is encouraged to continue down the path of failure, he wants to fight you on it. Often times they're looking for attention, they want you to hug them and kiss them and tell them it'll all get better because they haven't the slightest idea of how to actually deal with their failure because they're afraid of it. We all are. Failure is a serpent lurking in dark waters and the only way to not get bitten is not to wade out. But victory awaits across the river. Perhaps comfort lies on the shore you've spent your whole life on, but there is nothing new for you there, all the life that can be lived there has been lived, it's time to move on and grow, time to become a better, stronger person, and the only way to do that is to risk failing.

So when you call a quitter out, sometimes that's what it takes. We don't talk about tough love enough, in fact I rarely hear anyone talk about it. Why? Because even the fighters can be afraid. We're afraid of hurting feelings, afraid of pushing someone to the breaking point, afraid that anyone and everyone should be treated as if they're potentially suicidal. But most of us aren't. It should be clear when not to take this attitude, but it should be equally if not more clear when to do it. This can be a nasty, dreary, dark world and if we just wrap ourselves up in a blanket and give out cups of cocoa and bandaids to everyone as if they're kids who slipped and fell in the rain then we're never fighting toward victory, never learning from our mistakes. Sometimes you've got to get cut up and bruised, dirty and broken in order to understand what it means to be clean and put together.

Sometimes you need to fail in order to succeed. Plain and simple.

Today's the day you take a little responsibility for yourself. If you're one of these quitters then go ahead and do it and stop wasting our time. Because when the chips are down, and you thought you spent all this time fighting for something meaningful and important and then, just like that, after one fall off the saddle you're ready to give up, then do it and get out of our way. Clearly you're not the one to represent whatever valiant cause you believed in. Clearly you're unprepared. You weren't ready for this. You aren't ready for this. Go back home and soak in the tub and eat ice cream and cry. We don't want to hear about how "hard" it is for you, about how sorry and sad we should feel for you. Life is hard for all of us, so what makes your justification for quitting so special? Go on into Countries a little less fortunate than ours and find the kids who consider life hard and tell me how you feel.

Why can I feel comfortable saying this, why can any of us feel okay reassuring a quitter to do so? Because most of the time they're bullshitting you. They like to hand you a puddle a piss and hope you can clean it up for them because they don't want to, because it "scares" them. Because they made a mistake and their image of perfection has been shattered. Too bad. It's time to break that magic mirror kids. You're not the fairest of them all. None of us are and that's okay. But what none of us were born to do was fail. You can only be a failure if you quit, if you label yourself one. Is that what you want, to be a failure? Because if it is, then quitting is the surest way to guarantee you'll fulfill that false prophecy against yourself. If you want to be a failure, then do it. But get the hell out of our way. We don't lie down in a fight, we don't run, and we don't make the same mistake twice. We learn, we train, and we fight back. But we never, NEVER, quit. Ever.

In this life you either learn to work from your failures and turn them into victories, learn to make meaning out of your life, or you fade away into nothingness. All the praise and the power, the money and the might of your bad attitude equal squat when the sun sets on your era. How do you want to be remembered? How do your life to end? Was it a failure or a success?

The shooting in Aurora, CO was a massive tragedy. It's the kind of thing that makes us want to save the world. But there's a difference in pining for a theoretical and actually getting out there and actively working to make it happen. Some people, despite their cries for a better world, because of their cynical nature, end up going down with the ship.

Believe me, there are two clear camps of people in life. You see them every day. But today, for the sake of argument, let's say you side with the first. So you want to save the world...

All the killing we see, the death, and the pain, you can look at people and either think they're dispicable, or keep up the faith that there are good men and women in this world. But pessimism will not save the world, it will destroy it. Sitting around sharing contemptuous remarks on Facebook or photos under the name "No Hope for the Human Race" or "I don't want to live on this planet anymore" is spreading fear, doubt, and the notion that it is okay to surrender. If you surrender, the world falls. If you fight, maybe we won't save it today, tomorrow, or even in a million years, but at least we can say we fought like hell to do our best. And when people look back on our lives they can do so with fondness and take up arms with those we've inspired, because for every action there is a reaction. If you want a positive reaction, there must be positive actions. So get your head out of your ass and stop resenting the human race. Stop these disparaging remarks of your neighbor. It isn't cute and it's not funny, it's childish and worthless. Is that what you want? Do you want pessimism to define your life? For people to look back on your life and your actions and consider them worthless, your existence to be meaningless, for your time on this earth to have been spent detracting from the beauty of the meaning of life? The meaning of life is to live to the fullest, so what are you doing trying to drag your peers through the mud with you? Get up, wipe that grin off your face, and clean up. You're not a superstar or a badass because you find pleasure in schadenfreud, or find hilarity in laughing at a sinking ship. You're on that ship pal. The more you spread fear, doubt, and negativity, the quicker you get promoted to its Captain, at which point you're required to reap what you've sown. We all know what happens to the Captain.

We are a beautiful people capable of many wonderful things. Go ahead and spread your negativity, but at the end of the day, when your hope has dried up and your friends have left you and you're alone in your misery wondering why life was so cruel, understand it's only because you gave up on it. You quit. And you only have yourself to blame. People may look down on you for being hopeful, optimistic, or tease your or think you immature for having faith in the goodness of mankind, but you are not alone. Those who spend their lives trying to disprove and destroy the hope of the faithful may feel joy from their assumed rhetorical victories but these are only momentary and do not add up, but rather subtract from the quality of their lives without them even knowing it until it may be too late, that when they reach the end of their road they find it lonesome, dark, and void of any victory they may have thought they claimed in life.

Don't be swayed by cynics that faith is only for the religious. They're a bitter folk who let dejection and a gloomy outlook control their lives. Faith is believing strongly in whatever it is that you do. Period. If you believe the world is a beautiful place, one that at its core is full of kind people, then it must be worth saving. But in order to do so you've got to have a little faith. You've got to understand that there will come a time that despite the darkness you must keep marching. Faith will take you to the sunrise.

Those who hold up hope for their fellow man may suffer through life, may have that faith tested, may feel that they are already alone or in the darkness despite not being at the end of their road yet. But we stand at the mouth of a cave. Beyond what can be seen is the unknown, the darkness. But when the hopeful shout into the cave they are met with the echoes of their own voices shouting back at them reminding them that their optimism is enough to restore their faith in the goodness of their neighbor.

The pessimist sits at the mouth of the cave, too afraid to venture inside, so sure that it contains nothing but more of the same; darkness, loneliness, nothing but a bleak, meaningless existence. Make no mistake, the pessimist goes down with the ship. The optimist enters the cave, despite the danger, knowing that if he doesn't he will be nothing more than what the pessimist has become. He enters because he doesn't know what awaits inside, but knows full well of the multitude of options that may lead him to the light at the end of the tunnel.

Do not give up hope for those around you, for the people of this world. Do not let the actions of the few dictate your opinion of the many. There are good people in this world. Fight for them. Never give up. You stand today, and each day, at the mouth of the cave.

We talked about body image last week and I had a good time. I bumped into someone at a party whom I'd never met before who said he'd seen my before and after fitness photos because a mutual friend had shared them. I was flattered. But the spark it set off was that results can reach out, and results of all types and sizes can inspire people you've never even met. Fitness aside, there are success stories from people overcoming and conquering all types of issues that can spread like wildfire to inspire others. So just keep that in mind. You are an example to not just those in your immediate circles, but to those you may never even meet.

In the past few weeks there's been a lot of headlines in the news about soda. NY Mayor Bloomberg has issued a ban on soda cups or sizes over 16 oz. with other states looking to follow suit, and some states now wanting to issue a soda tax of one cent per oz. That's pretty substantial. Consider how much soda people buy, in 12 or 24 packs, at 12 oz. a can, an extra penny taxed on each of those ounces. That makes a 12 pack of Coke a Cola cost an extra $1.44. It might not seem like much when you think of it only as an extra buck and a half, but for the amount of soda people buy on a weekly, or even daily, basis that's pretty substantial.

We've all heard, over time, parents suing (or trying to) fast food chains for making their kids fat. I remember the story of a San Francisco woman trying to sue McDonald's because it was encouraging her children to eat junk food by putting toys in their Happy Meals. That case got thrown out April 4th 2012.

If we did enough research, I'm sure we'd find countless stories based along the same lines, whether they pertain to fast food, candy, soda, chips, you name it.

Considering I spent most of last week suggesting we stop eating so much junk food and start taking better care of our bodies you might expect me to be all for these bans on big gulps, taxes on soda, and class action suits designed to help keep our kids healthy. But I'm not. A tax on sodas makes the most sense to me, sort of. If it acts as an encouragement for folks to start buying healthier options because soda is getting a little too expensive, then wonderful, I can see the logic there. But overall, it still seems a little ridiculous mostly because it makes me feel like I, and the rest of the country, are being told we're not capable of making our own healthy choices; that we need some law to force us to be that way.

A mom suing McDonald's because it makes her kids want to eat junk food has essentially said, "You're making it difficult for me to parent my children. Stop that. I don't like telling them 'no.'"

A regulation on the size of soda cups is like saying, "Well, considering you're not capable of making the right choices we're going to go ahead and make them for you. You're welcome."

The greatest part about the soda cup size ban is that it just means that's the regulatory size of cup restaurants must use, but a person is welcome to any refills they desire or are welcome to buy two 16 oz. drinks should they want 32 oz. of their favorite Fizzy Lifting Drink. So you could technically drink the same amount of soda you always have, but it's just being sold to you in a smaller cup. For your health!

Look, I'm all for smaller portion sizes, but I'm also tired of people not really wanting to take responsibility for what they've done to their body. If your kids are fat because of McDonald's Happy Meals, it ain't the Pikachu at the bottom of the bag making it happen, it's you allowing your kids to eat McDonald's food so often. If you're worried about McDonald's affecting their health then you, you know, just say no. You're their parent. If they kick and scream that they want that Happy Meal you do what a parent should.

There is an overabundance of junk food in our country and obesity is becoming a major problem. Part of the reason is because of the incredible amount of unhealthy options available to people at incredibly low prices. It has become a bit difficult to shop smarter and healthier considering fresh food that is good for us is more expensive than the dollar menu at the local Jack in the Box. But considering the amount of calories people take in, versus the amount they should take in, I'd wager that the same amount of money is spent on junk food because it buys more, which keeps them fuller, longer. If we spent the same money on less food, but healthy food, it'd probably force us to take in the more appropriate amount of calories we're supposed to rather than the extra thousand or more we consume each day.

But because of our choosing to be overabundant in junk, companies have taken advantage of our addiction to their product. That's why soda sizes get bigger and bigger, why you can get 10% more potato chips for the same price, or you get 2 egg McMuffins for the price of 1. If you're buying it, they're going to sell it to you. But don't ever forget, you're choosing to do all of this. When you stick junk food in your mouth and eat it, you're making a choice to do so. It's not the hand of Bob's Big Boy spoon feeding you blue cheese against your will. So because, over the past several decades, we've decided to make poorer and poorer dietary choices companies have Scrooge McDuck'ed the hell out of us and now swim in pools full of pennies. Because we make the choice to work for junk food companies, those companies "work for us" by making more junk readily available at more affordable prices.

Contrary to popular belief, these companies are not getting rich off us poor innocent folk; We're making them rich.

And that brings us to today, in a 64 oz. soda cup sized America, in a super size optional world where there's Toys put in our junk food to make our kids happy.

When I was growing up, I LOVED my Happy Meals. Some of those toys I actually still have, locked up somewhere in storage. But I can remember not being able to finish my fries after my Chicken McNuggets. I'd eat those five nuggets, make it to my fries, and not be able to finish them because it was too much food. As I got older, especially in High School (when I was eating at my poorest), when I finished that Big Mac and super sized fries I was still hungry. The extra large burrito, the In-N-Out secret 4x4 and Animal fries weren't enough. If there was food, I could eat it because I was always hungry.

But I chose to eat those things. And at that time, being in High School and even in College, I was lucky enough to have a Dad who paid for my groceries. It's not like I was trying to stretch my food stamps out to the maximum, or like my meager paycheck was paying for my grocery bill. I was pretty spoiled to have a parent who helped me pay for my food. And regardless of not having to pay for that food myself, I still bought junk. Why? Because I wanted to. Because I chose to. The food was tasty and amazing and I wanted it so I made it happen.

A recent study puts America as the #1 fattest nation. The world, collectively, weighs nearly 287 million tons. 15 million of which is due to being overweight and 3.5 million tons due to obesity. North America comprises of 6% of the world's population, but it makes up for 34% of the world's extra weight due to obesity.

You'd think, after all this, someone who felt this way about unhealthy foods would want some form of Governmental regulation to help limit the intake of this. Wrong. I want us to start taking some responsibility for our choices. Remember last week? Your genes aren't making you obese, there is no fat or junk food gene. We're making conscious decisions to eat bad food and now we're hooked on it. It's a drug. It's designed to taste so good, to fire off those happy receptors in your brain that you keep coming back for more. Now that we're starting to see the terrible toll it's beginning to take on the world we're trying to regulate people's poor choices instead of trying to teach people to make better decisions themselves, trying to help people overcome their addiction to junk food.

If McDonald's wants to put toys in their Happy Meals, good, let them. Those toys gave me many a childhood joy as they will for many other children, but I know when to say no. McDonald's is playing into the demand WE created for them and for ourselves. By making bad choices, junk food companies are only answering our call for more. Why? Because it sells. These aren't evil companies preying on our innocent children and making otherwise perfectly healthy people fat because of some nefarious plot, they're doing what WE have allowed them to do. They didn't let this get out of control, we did. We asked for the 64 oz. soda, the super sized fries, the triple cheeseburger, the triple sized, ranch soaked, bacon coated "salad". America has become the most obese Nation on Earth because, long story short, we've chosen to be that way. Because we demanded it, they've supplied it.

If you want smaller portions, smaller sodas, less toys, from all of these companies then you've got to start making some better choices. When the demand falls, the product ceases to be produced. Granted, that's an economic model that may require as much time to undo as it had taken to create, but that's the necessary process. If no one buys something, eventually, companies will stop making it. Why? Because they're not making a profit.

But we're buying. We're addicted. We're making the choice to buy, making the choice to eat poorly, making the conscious decision to fall prey to this. We're not the victims, we're the culprits.

Don't rely on some governmental regulation or class action lawsuit to help make you healthier, you've got to make the decision for yourself, summon the will you have to break that addiction. If you need outside influences to force you to make better choices that means we've work to do. It's okay, not everyone is capable of doing it on their own, sometimes it takes some prodding or outside help and motivation. That's why I'm here. That's why there's countless others out there willing to help the world get healthy the right way, by making the choice to do so.

Remember, it's your life and you've only got one. Quit trying to blame everyone and everything else. Don't point the finger and blame soda for making you unhealthy, point it backward at yourself and quit drinking so much damn soda. Junk food companies aren't making you sick, you are. The Government can't make you healthy, but you can. Analyze your excuses, really break them down, and if you're justifying why its not your fault and that it should be a laws responsibility to make people healthier, then you're disconnected from reality. For every decision you make in life, think it through. Bite the bullet and take some responsibility.

It's been a few weeks since the last post. I was trying to make it every Friday, and I did there for a long while, but the past couple weeks has proven a much needed break to do some other reading and writing, but now I'm back! And this time I have a challenge for you. Are you ready for it? It's a lot harder to do than you might think, but I think you'll find that, if you can do it, you're going to notice a BIG change in the quality of your day to day, I promise.

You might not see it immediately, but you will see it.

Here's the challenge!

This weekend, try and do something kind for three random strangers each day, both Saturday and Sunday. That's only six people. And don't think it has to be massive. Drop a buck into the hands of a hungry man, compliment someone you've never met, hug a new friend you make, donate to a charity, volunteer, anything! Just try and do three good deeds, big or small, for three different strangers both Saturday and Sunday.

If you do, and if you can, the biggest part of the challenge comes here; don't tell a single person about it. Don't post it to facebook, don't tweet it, don't blog it, don't pin it. Don't tell your Mom or your Dad, your sister, brother, boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse. Don't speak of it to anyone. Just do it, and continue on with your day, with your life.

In fact, never share it with anyone for the rest of your life.

Why such a weird challenge? Because the more you do good without the need for recognition, the more rewarding your life becomes when you recognize those rewards come from life, not from what we think it does, which is acknowledgement from our peers.

People's words can make our good deeds feel noticed, recognized, and more important, but the idea is to build up the confidence you have in the decisions you make which, of course, builds the confidence you carry with you through life.

Good things will come to you, in fact they surround you each day, but we get so caught up in thinking our lives are dull, boring, sad, and worthless that we lose sight of where real reward comes from.

All life's real rewards comes from being a loving person and doing good deeds. The greatest gifts will come from the knowledge that what you did and what you do can make a difference, and that's enough.

If you know that about yourself, how can you be anything but a success? And if we can acknowledge in ourselves that were are successful, what more credit do we need?

A little pride goes a long way, a lot of pride is no such thing at all; And whatever this is, surely it will bury you.

Remember that you are only human, mistakes are yours to make. It takes greater pride to acknowledge them and great foolishness to ignore them. The end waits where pride becomes blindness. It takes great pride to climb from a hole, not to keep digging. It takes pride to admit defeat, not to work to the bone. Pride will win you the race tomorrow, not the race today.

Do not misunderstand your pride, it is not to blame. But it is a great many other things that have soiled your pride and hidden it from you. Pride will help you, heal you, break you down and build you back up. Stubbornness is not pride, nor is obstinance.

The most bitter pill to swallow is that which you think can be done without water or food. You'll throw it back up.

Accept help when it presents itself. It is not admirable to do all things alone because you believe you will look strong. All for one and one for all. Here adults are children and children are adults.

Sometimes you don't know what's best for you. That's a fact. Sometimes you've got to listen to others.

Whatever this malady that ails you, that we have so ineptly labeled pride, is not. It is something more. If you can't recognize what weighs you down, how can you raise yourself up? It cannot be done alone.

Surrender. Let go. Let yourself be loved. It does not matter how old you are, we are all children. Nurture is the right of all. Sometimes you need it. Perhaps that time is now.

They say I am no artist,
That I was born with a silver spoon
And without the understanding
That life does not come easily
To the rest.

I have lost no ears to madness,
No life has been taken from depression,
No solace has been found in addictions.
Because there is no fault to this existence,
You see.

But who will see me as what I am;
An artist defined by his successes,
Never his failures.
Even if I found the silver lining in hell,
There would be no merit to this discovery.

I am no demon,
Clawing from the depths of the underworld
Toward redemption and salvation.
I have not overcome the persuasions
Of this world,
To arrive at a place such as solace and peace
Because I had first dabbled in misdeeds.

This place called comfort and joy is my home.
I own it,
I owe it no debts.
And though I say "Hark!" to thee,
Warning of the misguidance of those who seek
Only your favor,
You have listened to me only for a moment.

I am like cool water,
Quenching the thirst of your desperation
When you are dry.
But when you are full,
Fat,
And happy, you have no need for my understanding.

This planet cannot house my soul.
I was born with my fingers dipped into the
White hot heat of the stars.
I ride waves no man can tread,
And this glory I have seen
Is available to all,
I have tried to show it.

Yet because I have not suffered the world,
Do not think I cannot see
Into the heart of your mourning,
So warm and wrapped in the comfort of your
Self pity,
Self loathing,
And self hate that you are a wall of deprecation.

If I had been a poor child,
Abused,
Addicted,
Tortured,
Raped,
Trapped,
Locked inside a dark closet with a light unseen,
Only then would you think me capable of such words.

We cannot value what we do not have;
The impossible.
I have seen this impossible and tackled it swiftly,
For the glass has never been half empty,
Always half full.

And when I am gone
Many will hearken these words as though
They were, before, a secret.
As if I were a puzzle in which only my death could solve.
But these are fools and sheep.

My life has been a declaration since my birth,
That goodness,
Peace,
And Love flow through my veins like water.
If I die unaccomplished
And you remember me an artist,
You are too late.

Do not value me only upon my expiration.
I was an artist then,
In life,
And in death it is exhaled.
In death I am but your misunderstanding.

These are the lamentations of fortune.
Not that I have come to this place
From the depths of hell which I had once succumbed,
But because there was never such a thing as
That which I could not overcome.

 The Mind of God Part 5: Organized Nations

Organizations exist all over and have forever. That's no surprise to anyone. Organized Religion has existed all over and forever as well, but for some strange reason it's viewed and treated differently than an average organization like, say, Invisible Children or any number of volunteer organizations. Corporations are even considered organizations, Wal-Mart, Exxon Mobil, Chevron, Conoco Phillips, and Fannie Mae just to name the fortune 500 top 5.

Hopefully, you catch my drift. Organizations are like organisms to a certain degree, like organs. The root, "organ" of all these words really means, "that with which one works." All of these things, organs, organisms, and organizations really mean, on a root level, the same thing. They work to perform functions and to generate outcomes. Pretty plain and simple.

But when you hear the words "organized religion" it's usually uttered with a sneer or a nasty sort of tone, or with disdain. In fact, I don't know of anyone who belongs to an organized religion who actually refers to it as such. I think they'd be more inclined to believe that they do not, and that they rather belong to a Universal truth more so than to an organization. If you said, "What Religion are you?" And someone said, "Christian", and you followed with, "That's a pretty big organized Religion." I doubt that their following comment would be, "Yes. Yes it is."

A lot of people resent organized Religion because it carries with it the knowledge that those who do the organizing are usually men. Not just humans, but more often than not the males of our species. Organized Religion showcases how men take something relatively broad, that could mean any number of things, or means a very specific set of things, and turn it into something that is used to control large masses of people. They're given the dogma to live by, the rules and regulations, the requirements and sacrifices that must be made in order to please whatever God it is that they believe in, whether that God is God, power, money, etc. If the rules are followed closely and carefully then Heaven, or whatever reward you've been promised, usually awaits on the other side or even now and in this life. If the rules are strayed from or broken repeatedly, or ignored by non/unbelievers and doubters then eternal pain and suffering can be expected at the end of this life or exile from a social group/organization.

Organized Religion is a good way to get people in line do what you want them to do. But then again, isn't that every organization?

Where people come into conflict with God is in their subconscious connecting of him to organized Religions, despite none of them even being able to accurately represent him. They're all taking shots at explaining him, at trying to convey him correctly, but because God is not fully understandable by the human mind, then it's a fact that no organization could ever portray/convey him with 100% certainty and accuracy. Many would say they can and that they do, but it's impossible and foolish to believe as such. It's men creating parameters that they swear God exists within. But these are parameters created by humans, not by God. Remember the God box? (It should be broken by now.)

Part two, about the undeniable fact that all of us are judges and hypocrites and that it's okay, is meant to show that judgment, as well as a lot of other innate "flaws" are simply a part of our human nature and again, something we can work to go against because we can, because we're that powerful; we can actively seek to be better people. But none of us are born into sin, with original sin or are born flawed, rather were born into human nature which is much more an animalistic nature than that which we can aspire to be. But it's in our judging, in our need to classify and belong to groups, that we have organizations. Therefore it is in our nature to belong to organizations. And all organizations, from social groups to corporations to Religion, all tend to act and work within those same basic parameters. They all have written or unwritten rules about how things work, and ultimately, how people who belong to or associate with that group should behave. If these rules are disobeyed or met with resistance or met by a person who seems inherently different from how they operate, then there are consequences. Whether people are kicked out of the group, shunned, looked down upon, looked at strangely, etc., it just goes to show that organizations all function on the same basic level, to a certain degree. Once we get into specifics, then we start to feel that organizations have individuality, but at their core, they're all incredibly similar.

What sets certain organizations apart from others, what makes people perceive organized Religion with hostility and non-profit organizations with admiration, is two simple things: intent and tactics.

Intent is the inner emotion that begins an organization, the feelings people hold so dearly and truly that they wish to spread like wildfire in the hope of changing the world. Tactics are the methods in which you go about trying to convey your intentions. Given that we are all humans, our tactics are relatively limited. There have only been so many ways that we can actually go about doing things, go about sharing our word. (Yes, even "sharing the word" is a practical way of saying what all organizations wish to do, get bigger, gain more members, further spread their intentions.) Because of this, organizations are inevitably tied together on that base of similarity because, when broken down and observed enough and with a clear mind, we see that the tactics are limited and used by everyone. But it's those tactics blended with the intent that causes us to come away with judgment and creates the "individuality" of an organization.

Individuality exists only to a degree and I wouldn't actually call it individuality. Since everything shares such a vital and broad sameness, then it would be more appropriate to say there is less individuality amongst different organizatons and more commonality. The tactics define the commonality whereas the intent suggests the individuality. This is how two diametrically opposed groups can actually share common ground. It's like a venn diagram, where the two spaces on the far left and right are the two opposing organizations, inside these opposing spaces is their constrasting intent, how they actually differ, and the blended oval in the center is the tactics they use that because of their human nature they must inherently share. It's not to say that Hate and Love are incredibly similar, but that those who wish to spread Love or disseminate Hatred sometimes do so by using the same tactics.

I see people holding signs on Hollywood Boulevard all the time saying "The End is Nigh", "Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life", "Repent", etc. The Westboro Baptist Church is notoriously known for their bitterly ignorant "God Hates Fags", "Thank God for 9/11", and "Pray for more Dead Soldiers", just to name a few. Then look at groups like the various occupy movements, or any form of protest for the matter. Signs being used to communicate a point, to communicate their intent. All of these organizations, despite having different intent, share the exact same tactics. Why? Because the tactic is the human nature aspect, the intent is learned, taught, and influenced.

Now, without offending an incredible amount of people, I need to ask you to go with me on an example to really illustrate my point clearly and to hopefully open some eyes. The organization Invisible Children and its opponent, Joseph Kony, have two drastically different intents. One positive, loving, and seeking to change the world for the better, the other the exact opposite, desiring bloodshed and power. Violence and weapons aside, they both share some tactical common ground on a very basic level. Both utilize young people to communicate their point and do their bidding. (Bidding in it's dictionary sense, not sinister sense. To do the will or desire of the organization, plain and simple.)

Again, don't take my example as me saying that Invisible Children is actually the same as Joseph Kony, but it's important to understand how humans operate as tactical animals and that those tactics, and the originality of "new" tactics, is really a rouse. We've been using the same tactics to do a variety of things since the beginning of time.

I don't believe we can be born as evil, bad, or hateful people. I don't believe people are born "hating fags" or even that they're born believing in Jesus. To the same degree no one is born with the awareness of how wall street works or with the knowledge of corruption in politics. We're born as a happy blank slate, as I like to think. We're born inherently tolerant because we do not understand intolerance. Without parental influence, a child will befriend another regardless of skin color. We're born as concordant beings, not discordant ones. By nature we actively seek concordance, because of influence we discover the choice to actively choose discordance. By utilizing my own rhetoric from part one, this means that humans are born inherently good and that being bad is a learned trait. We are good by nature.

That being said, when you start to understand that the intent of an organization is what drives its members to do things is when you start to become able of formulating judgments and opinions of them. Though we all utilize the same tactics, our intentions define how we use them. How many times have you heard someone say about someone who has just screwed up, "Yes, well s/he had good intentions" or, "S/he meant well." Sometimes people do things that seem stupid, but at their core are genuinely good people. They may be different from you, but just because someone belongs to an organization that you don't does not make them evil. More than anything, organizations mislead people because of their intent. If we're all born as happy blank slates, then the intent of a baby could never be to promote discordance, but rather the natural concordance that resides within it.

Understanding that every single individual on earth is in some way, shape, or form part of at least one or several more organizations (yes, including you, you rebel you) means if we're willing to break it down we can find common ground amongst all humans, and when we analyze the heart of a person, their intent, that's where you learn to draw your differences in personality, where you make your judgments. But because we are all connected on that low level, it's as if we resonate on the same frequency, that really, if you listen closely, we all make the same sounds because we're derived from the same thing, born of the same energy. We're all cut from the same cloth and we all bleed red. There is no black, white, red, or brown, there is only the blood that courses through the veins of all humans and all living animals. As we have evolved into a race of self aware animals who hold a special place amongst the rest of the animal kingdom, it should be obvious that we shouldn't waste this.

As we wind down on this series of posts (two left), my biggest submission lies here, in this point; that energy that runs through each of us, that gives us our individuality and simultaneously or commonality means that we are all at once unique and the same, that we're distinctly different from all other humans and also distinctly similar, and what a beautiful contradiction that is. We should embrace our individuality as we see it through the prism of our commonality. The energy that gives way to the matter that makes up our being is God. Here he is, for the first time or once again. God does not command you but is in you regardless, experiencing his infinite potential through the seemingly contradictory existence of you and all other humans, animals, and matter. And if this God, a being of infinite potential, has created you "in his image" that is only to imply that he has created you, by his own nature which has now become yours, as a corcordant being. One who creates is by definition concordant, not discordant. Because of my prior and consistent terminology, this, within the confines of my arguments, strongly suggests what I set out to in the beginning, that because concordance is synonymous with agreeable harmony and peace makes it synonymous with Love, and because God is a concordant being then this would prove that, to make it much simpler, God is Love. And because he is, you are, thus you too are Love. You are goodness.

So let it be written, so let it be done. To quote my Mom, who's words were unclear until now, get out there and "Do good." It's what you were made for.

Sometimes we get ourselves wrapped up in conversations that we probably should not inject ourselves into.

I don't do it to get a rise out of people (maybe I do, yeah sometimes we all do), but I find that usually I can keep my trap shut unless I feel there's a point needing to be made that a whole mass of people have missed and seem to overlook, all in the name of humor and harassment, or to try and prove the point that one's opinion is right. It's usually the people who think they're right who will berate you with the supposed truth. Those who know they're right know when to keep their mouths shut.

Sometimes silence is golden. But it's as if there's this constant crusade today, that every single bit of information needs to be dumped into every single social network, and everyone's peers need to be "aware" of "the truth". If you disagree you are wrong or bigoted, left or right, sexist or racist. If you disagree with "the truth", you're usually any number of things you're probably furthest from in actuality. But you haven't been given the time to say otherwise because, in this other's mind, you're wrong.

Whatever happened to good old fashioned self confidence? Sometimes I'll read something and disagree with it. But rather than starting a fight I say nothing, because I realize the debate will get angry, tired, and stale and someone will probably develop a profound hate for me. And that's the key. Sometimes it's better to say nothing. If you know you're right, don't taunt the sleeping dragon just because you're sure you can beat him. Then you'll have a fight on your hands and you'll be thinking, "I should have just let him keep dreaming."

There is a taoist concept called Pu, which is appropriately explained in great detail in the very cute, easy read book called "The Tao of Pooh." Pu is the idea of "the uncarved block", a state of being that is reseponsive to perception and your own potential without being setup to be automatically prejudice. Being an uncarved block to me means letting no outside hands carve you. You are who you choose to be. (Re: last week's post.)

Pu looks to teach a way of life and of existence in which you are not weighed down by an overabundance of plain old raw knowledge, which I tend to agree with. Have you ever been in conversation with or listened to someone talk who's so full of knowledge, so book smart, yet they still somehow manage to come across as unintelligent. They're so smart that, in the long run, they know nothing because they have no experiences. Every way of life they know because they have studied it in the classroom and not in the world. They've learned all they need from books and TV and films, but not from actually being a part of those experiences. They can't relate.

Just because you've read it, and your opinion is in direct connection with the articles, or the books, or the documentaries, does not mean you are automatically correct. Neither does it make you an expert or ensure you actually know what it is you're talking about. Facebook gives us the option to "share" things, but we've forgotten the niceness of the word share, that it implies a give and take, a yin and yang, a harmonious balance. Sharing is caring right? Not anymore. Today sharing is trying to push your opinion onto others under the guise of caring. "I share this with you because I care about you. So you should read it and accept it as truth because I know what's best for you because I am right." The most guilty organizations of this are, of course, Political Parties and Religions in their many shapes and sizes.

There is a self centeredness created out of the delusion that we care, so we share. But we don't really share, rather we cram, we force, we try to persuade regardless of the beliefs of those around us. Why? Because we believe to our core that we're right. But each of us lack the life experience of the other. You are you and I am me, he is he and she is she, and none of us can be the other because we are we.

Maybe it's time we stop trying to convince ourselves that our opinions are "right" and get more comfortable saying that our opinions are worth something, worth sharing. And by this token we should be accepting that the opinions of others are worth something because none of us are worthless, quite the opposite in fact. We are worth everything there is.

The quickest way to harmony and peace on earth, if that's truly what you're fighting for, is not through trying to force others to come to your side, to coax them into seeing things your way because it is the only way. These things are achieved by accepting people for being different and appreciating them for that, and for sharing with them in the hope that they will share with you. That's balance. It's experience and because of experience, it is relevant knowledge learned not from a book, but from the World.

It should sting when we become aware that we've foresaken a lesson we learned when we were in kindergarten. More often than not these children are more in tune with the harmony of the Universe that we hope to see, more in tune with it than we'll ever be. Why? Because they are uncarved blocks. The kingdom of heaven, the truest ways of Love, belong to them.

Stop trying to be such an adult, teaching "important lessons of truth" to the "children" around you. Instead let yourself be a child, carefree and willing to share. Because sharing is caring.

It seems more and more that we're living in a world of people telling you who you ought to be. So much so that you start forgetting what you're expectations are for yourself. You become so eager to please or not to disappoint or to accomplish the goals and tasks that others expect of you that you leave your personal ones by the wayside. After a while, you start to forget who you really are and live in the black hole of trying to exist as the person others think you should be.

These people are in your way. Run them over, tackle them, knock them down, or plow right through them. I don't care what it takes, you get those people off your back and out of your way. Now.

That's a metaphor of course! Don't actually hurt anyone in the process. But take back what's yours. Take back you. You are not who others expect you to be. You are who you choose to be. Plain and simple.

The most difficult times come when you strip away the layers of those around you, the weight of outside expectations, and you come to realize that you're not even sure if there is a real you anymore. There's just this shell of your former self that's cracked away and all that's left is this mysterious goo that represents nothingness. And you have no self confidence and you're not sure what it means to succeed and you get depressed and feel hopeless and worthless. I would never berate you for feeling this way, it's understandable. But you've had your time to sulk and now it's time to get your head out of the sand and realize you have a purpose. Even if that purpose is just to prove you have purpose to yourself. (Did I lose you?).

All this doom and gloom bull people try to feed you, this ashes to ashes, dust to dust, we're just a virus that lives then dies and we exist only for greed and selfishness and glory, yadda yadda yadda. Those guys have read WAY too many books, watched WAY too much television, and have lived their actual lives WAY too little. If at all. What do they know? Stop taking them at their word. Stop letting other peoples interpretations of life define your own. Get off your ass and get out there and live your life, you've only got one.

Fate is a fairytale and an easy manipulator. It's the excuse of excuses. "Maybe it's fate that I live like this." Wrong. If someone killed someone else and their defense was "Yes but it was fated that I kill that person", wouldn't you think, "That doesn't seem right..."

There's a time in life where we've all said it before, I know I have, "Everything happens for a reason." But honestly, not EVERYTHING happens for a reason. If everything in all of time was happening all for the same reason, that would be a terrible, awful, wicked reason and I would rebuke it and make my own reasons. And that's free will. That's what we have. That's our gift and our ability. We get to make choices. It's not the situation that defines who you will be, it's how you react to the situation. Fate means something else dictates our lives for us, it means something else is determining our choices and the outcomes for us, which means our existence it moot.

But your existence is valuable. If you've come to a place in life where you feel you're up against a wall, there's no door, it spans the length of the earth and reaches into space so there's no way around or over it, it would seem that that's the end. Not true, there's always one way. Break through it.

I said the phrase "everything happens for a reason" is untrue. But here's a cliché that isn't. "You can do it." Plain and simple. It's going to be hell finding a way, and it may seem like there isn't one, but it's when you think you're broken and defeated that a light will shine, and then you stand back up and you Hulk smash that wall into a thousand tiny little pieces. And the biggest shock of all is that you'll find the wall was made of paper this whole time. It looked big and seemed intimidating, but because you were too scared to try and knock it down in the first place you never knew it would be this easy.

Everyone else told you how scary the wall was. They told you how thick and dangerous and impossible it was to do anything about, and they told you to accept it and deal with it and move on. And you did for a while and it hurt like hell and you wished there was another way. But all those words that people say, that they demand you believe, that they insist they know better for you than you know for yourself, these are all paper tigers, or in this case, all bricks in a paper wall. Only when you shed the binds of the expectations of others and broke yourself down did you realize how to build yourself back up and achieve your own expectations, and how to just walk right through that wall.

You can do it. Seriously. Don't doubt it, don't shrug your shoulders, don't shake your head and say "Oh, I don't know..." Pick your head up, hold it high, take a deep breath, and do it. It's only a paper wall. And who are they to tell you that you can't do it? Who are they to tell you who you are?

You are who you choose to be.